I really love my life. Jeb and I have intentionally set up our life together as one that worships and glorifies God, invests in serving others, and is consciously aware of setting boundaries for our time. We have three beautiful and funny and rambunctious children, and a cozy and well-functioning home, and valued friends, and meaningful work. It is a great life! When I take stock of our experiences, our possessions, and the relationships around us, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude. Such thankfulness. It really is a fabulous life. I bet you can say the same things. Based on what you value and how you spend your time, I’m sure you can rattle off an entire list of people and things and memories for which you are so thankful. Do you ever feel like your heart could burst from joy and thanksgiving?

It has been a “low” season for me. Some call it feeling blue, or retreating into hibernation-mode. Others self-diagnose and call it depression. I’m still in the thick of it with finding balance for my hormones. I mentioned this back in April (Welcome to my Crazy), and there has been some improvement, but also not really. In the midst of these months of unknowns – we even thought there might be another miraculous pregnancy – I have been wishing and praying for more. I am fully content with our current circumstances and routines and am even so so thankful for them, but I’m also yearning for more.

More connection. More time to myself. More space. More yard. More depth. More get-up-and-go. More leisure.

Do you feel me? Can you relate at all? I have such a strong desire to LOVE exactly where I am – in every sense of the word, to be content. I want to squeeze all the goodness out of each day and experience JOY in the seemingly mundane routines and mom-responsibilities. There is this tension of both contentment and more. Because this has been such a strong tension/feeling/passion, I want to begin studying the parallels or the disconnects within Scripture about it. I’ll be sure to fill you in on what I find…

What are your thoughts? Do you have similar feelings? Feeling grounded and also desiring a change or “more” of something? I would love to hear your insights on this type of paradoxical living!!

// Photo by: Studio154 Photography


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