Glad that one’s over.
It’s been a while since I’ve shared, and I find when my thoughts are jumbled and I don’t yet know what all is going on within me and around me I tend to retreat into myself. Now this can be hazardous because I am very much an extrovert. So, as I pull away from the pages of my journal, from random texts with my girlfriends, and from INITIATING with any and all around, red flags should start appearing in my path.
Do you feel me? One of the best exercises I have been doing lately is recognizing all forms of past loss. Losing a parent is traumatic and the aftershocks are still occurring. Being able to recall other painful experiences dealing with loss or disappointment has somehow helped the process. It’s like I am practicing how to let go, forgive, and get a handle on my emotions. Also, who would have thought that an instance in fifth grade would surface and I would actually walk through releasing pent-up anger and sadness over not receiving a position I thought I deserved… Goodness. Freedom is often fought hard after and comes with tears, fatigue, and the utmost resolve and surrender. Surrendering control, surrendering our plans or expectations, and basically our futures. Freedom looks a lot like Jesus. I’ve been leaning on Him and trusting Him more than ever. His plans for me are good. He can do more than I can ever imagine or think, His promises for me are “YES! And AMEN in Jesus’ name.”
Knowing who God is, His character and nature, makes it easier for me to relax into all that’s to come. The heartbreaking. The glorious. The expectation for a life filled with favor, insane grace, and JOY everlasting. In the midst of pain and anxiety, knowing that God is for me, and that He is with me, always eases the blows of this world. It still sucks. I don’t want to have to go through any of this struggle or pain, but God is near. He is with me.
Now that I’ve brain dumped for a little bit, here are our 2017 family photos by the always magnificent Marsais of Marsais Photographie.